“I’m about two seconds away from stabbing you in the neck.”
Sometimes I feel worthless.
Like a sac of shit. Something nobody wants. Like as if I were to die right now, in this very moment, nobody would give two shits. They would be off doing god knows what just living a normal day. It wouldn’t matter where or when I died, because nobody would be there for me.
I’ve always thought about death, but never thought I’d actually go through with it. I feel like its going to be my only way out. Like as if it’s my only way of showing people that I’m hurt.
Nobody understands me. They’ll never know me. I don’t even know me.
Everything good that happens to me just turns to shit. I can’t do anything right, all I do is fuck up. I mean shit all to people and I’ll never amount to anything. I’ll never be a success in life cause all I ever do is fuck up. I need out. I need to get away from everything. I need a savior. I need someone to be willing to help me though anything and everything.
I’m a jealous bitch and I over react.
I turn little problems into big ones and big ones into chaos.
I need help.
I’m waay bipolar and I can’t control something’s but I’m getting better.
I try my hardest no matter what because I’m always trying to be the best. But it’s just not working anymore.
I have zero friends and my family hates me. I just want this suffering to end. It’s not worth the pain. I need out. I need out now.
With the way my heart is, it’s going to happen quite sooner than later. I plan on just making it sooner with a deadline instead of just going without completing what I’ve wanted to complete. This is my final farewell. Some call it a cry for help. In ways, I believe they are right. With this continued, you shall know that the cry for help has not been heard. I tried.
I absolutely hate myself for this but I know it’s not enough to stop me from going through with my plans. Too much has happened that has lead up to this.
I did reach out to my friends. Their busy lives have kept them from helping. I wasn’t even looking for help as in something life-changing. I just wanted some calming company. Somebody who’s presence would just soothe the chaotic thoughts racing around in my head.
When this is all over, NOBODY can ever say that I never tried. They’ll probably say that I didn’t try hard enough and that may be true. I did try though. Look at what good that did.
It’s such a trial, each and every day. I’ve been battling with major depression since I was five years old. Ten years later, I’m still struggling.
